Starting Anew

No break up, no matter how short and inconsequential the relationship may be, is ever easy. 

At 30, I thought I am an expert when it comes to relationships.... I have already made up my mind long ago that I will never marry because I never believed in marriage. Just the same this current break up shattered me into bits and pieces, left me with no faith in love and confidence in myself. I know I should not be saying this but then again, this is the normal  consequence of rejection.

It was a short but intense relationship. I have been with the ex for 9 months, 7 of which he was miles away. In those nine months, however, I never spent a day without talking to him. We usually spent our nights at YM, video chatting and sometimes "cyber drinking" as if we're physically together. When I think about those times we spent together, it seems that I don't really know that guy considering the short period I've known him. But still,   AAAARRRRAYYYYY.  It's never easy to accept and recover from a break up. Maybe because, for a short period of time I was happy with him or maybe because I have subconsciously changed my belief in marriage or i may have included him in my life plans or maybe because I know that there will be changes and I don't want it.

I am still in pain but I have faith that this is nothing that I can't handle. This relationship taught me a lot. Among others, it taught me that there is nothing wrong with humility and fighting for love or running after a man because you do not want to give up just yet as long as you know exactly when to stop. I learned that yesterday and it was a very  humbling experience. I did what I thought I will never do my whole lifetime and I do not regret doing it.  I know I could not have reached this stage of acceptance and possess the desire to move on had I not been rejected the way the ex rejected me. 


I am shattered and I am still in pain but I will be ok...soon. It's not gonna be easy, neither will it be fast. I don't know how I will do it but I know it will be a long journey that I am willing to take alone with the help of the people who truly love me backed up with faith that God has planned something better for me.  

We only pass by this life once, I should not worry myself with things that only hurt me, unless it is necessary..... That could be a good start.

 

A tribute to the bestest friend

I never knew that I loved dogs until one of my professors in law school gave me an unwanted dog .... a black stinky female labrador.

This labrador was given to my professor as a gift by one of his female "friends" and naturally, he could not bring this dog home without firing the wrath of his wife. I gladly adopted this stinky dog and  named her maru. I gave her a home, took care of her, bathed her, gave her toys and loved her from the bottom of my heart. My family was even forced to treat her as a part of our family because I insisted.

Maru lived for nine years and to say that her nine years on this earth were the best nine years of my life is not enough to describe how she made me happy.

Maru was an intelligent dog but she wasn't perfect. She doesn't want her nails cut, she has her moods and her misgivings (like tearing down my Jurado Law Reviewer)  but she surely made me the center of her universe. I was her all without me asking for it . To say the least, everything I know about unconditional love I learned from Maru.

The joy that she brought me however, does not surmount the pain that I feel now that she's gone. There is now a void that I know will never again be filled. I know I can find a new dog or even a new person to somehow fill that void but surely, no one can take the place of Maru. Maru may just be a dog but she is more human than most people I know. The creature that  she is, she knows more about love and loyalty than most of us. No one will ever love me the way she did and my heart is crying and will forever cry for I know I was not able to give back to her the love and loyalty that she gave me her whole life.

4 days have passed since she passed away and I still can't help myself from crying. I know that soon, I have to stop crying. But for now, let me wallow in pain for I have lost my soldier, daughter, best friend and  partner in crime. I lost my beloved.  How painful it is, I'm sure no one will ever know. I am in pain and I will forever be in pain for losing Maru.

Thank you Maru for the nine years you spent with me. You were such a good dog  and I'm sure that you are already in dog heaven.You know that if only I could make a stairway to heaven I'd walk that path and bring you back home. I miss you my dear baby. You will never be forgotten.

Truly Amazing Thailand....

I was lucky enough to see Thailand prior to the floods and all I can say is that "amazing" is an understatement.


 My first stop is at Bangkok. It was colorful and I'm sure that any visitor wouldn't miss the abundance of culture.

Walking around the city, I couldn't help but notice how religious the Thais are. Most buildings, even the new ones, have altars of the Buddha with candles, fruits, food and toys as offerrings. People who pass by would bow and stop a moment to pray in silence. I found it admirable since it was all new to me - we don't get to see something like that here in the Philippines. Their religiousness, if not craftsmanship, is likewise manifested in the various temples built all over the city. I felt the devotion and zealousness of the people who built those temples by just looking at the structures.

During my first day, I visited several temples. I could not recall the exact names of those temples and I'm guessing it's because I had a temple overdose for that day.  There was, however, one place which captivated me....

 The Grand Palace.  

The Grand Palace is the home and court of Thailand's Kings and the whole seat of its administrative government for 150 years.

Admission to the Grand Palace is strict as with all other buddhist temples (i'm referring to the dress code) and it is definitely not cheap ( at least to me who is always on a tight budget) but I tell you... IT IS TOTALLY WORTH IT. They wouldn't name it the Grand Palace for nothing =D.

One of the many buildings inside The Grand Palace is the Wat Prah Kaew or the Temple of the Emerald Buddha. It houses Thailand's most revered statue of the Buddha.

I could not find the right words to describe what's inside. It's just too bad that tourists are not allowed to take pictures inside. All I can say is that the altar  with all its intricate details was just so magnificent. It was magical,  literally gleaming in all its splendor. I am no Buddhist but as soon as I entered the temple, I found peace.

 For some reason I am not aware of, all external noise was blocked and there was total silence in my heart and in my mind. I just knelt down  and thanked God for giving me my eyes as well as the chance to see the beauty laid before my eyes.

 

The Journey of the Trapped Gypsy

I studied law, I passed the bar, got a job at a top law firm and resigned to run my family's school. Now, all I want to do is just chase the light and let loose the Gypsy in me.

I have always thought that I was in the right track until I got my hands on my camera and learned to chase the light. Through my lens, I saw the universe, its timeless beauty and the need to show it to everyone... to pay it forward.

I may be a lawyer but I am admittedly not a writer. Not having the gift of words, it took quite a lot of time, prodding and courage before I finally decided to give blogging a try in the hopes that my meager collection of words backed by my vast collection of photos will let me tell everyone how beautiful life is.

Life is short and extremely beautiful, let's enjoy it while we still can.